The Best

This one's for my best friend Jess,
The one with the golden heart and godliness,
Some might say she's just like the rest,
But I gotta say fuck you, she's the best,
Now mind you, she doesn't use the word fuck,
But to me it's better than a buck,
See she's like a reality check,
A real ace from the deck,
'Cause no matter how far ya go,
She's there to keep you in tow,
She's like a silly rock in a serious storm,
While you might lose it she keeps form,
A wife, mother, daughter and friend,
She sticks with you 'till the end,
I've had many people come and go,
But she's always front and center for this crazy show,
She's the best a friend could ask for,
With her as a friend I'll never be poor,
Cause she's the best,
She's my best friend Jess.

Change

I spent the morning and most of the afternoon going over some of my old writings and I've come to two main conclusions. One, I can tell that over the years my writing has gotten better, which encourages me to write more. However, my best stuff is really depressing and even now I can't seem to write "happy" poems. Maybe this is because I find "happy" to be boring and "dark" to be more truthful, intriguing and challenging to the "norm". Maybe it's just because I can relate to the darker side of life more. Whatever it is, I'm pretty good at it - if I do say so myself - and will most likely write more. Secondly, I noticed how much I've really changed over the last four years. My thoughts, views and feelings about everything have completely changed. I believe that, for the most part they've changed for the better, but I can't help missing parts of that person I used to be. I was so innocent and unaware of the real tragedies of life, yet so ready to meet the unknown head on. So sure I was to become something great and/or do something great with my life. Not to say I can't or won't now but in those days it seemed as if it were right around the corner. Life was just begging me to mold it into whatever shape I wished. Whereas now I feel my ambitions are just as strong and noble, they just don't seem so easily attained. So at the end of the day I have learned more about myself and hopefully am the better for it. Will you see "happy" things from now on? Maybe. Will you continue to see "dark" things? Most likely. All I can say is that whether or not my writings are "happy", "dark" or somewhere in between, they will be honest and may give whoever decides to read this a little insight into my mind. Maybe even a little into your own mind.

Who are you whom I love?

Are you the wind? Cool and soothing, gently blowing through my hair.

Are you a wild flower? Growing among the mighty trees or perhaps in the open meadows. Beautiful to the eyes and sweet-smelling.

Are you a mountain stream? Clear, cool and refreshing. Bringing life to all around you.

Are you the moon? Bright and beautiful, calming my soul with one look. Leading and guiding those of the night.

Who are you whom I love?

You are the one whom I love

You and Me

You and me are a curious thing, you and me just keep wondering.

You and me do nothing but sway, you and me hold each other and drift away.

You and me used to be so full of life, you and me now stand on the edge of the knife.

You and me is beautiful, you and me is painful.

You and me might be ending, you and me could have a new beginning.

Waiting

Waiting for you,

What am I to do,

Trying to wait on you,

It's not an easy task,

Every time just getting your mask,

I want to break through and see the real you,

But every time I try guess who,

The mask is there and the wall is up,

But I just keep trying like a love sick pup,

Don't misunderstand my meaning,

My love goes much deeper than just a feeling,

I would say I've proven that by now,

Anytime you want just ask me how,

And I'll keep doing it until I break through,

Until I get to the real you,

Waiting on you,

What do I have to do?

Cold Hand

So cold and alone,

I stand here on my own,

Waiting for you to call me on the phone,

But no more will I do it,

No more will I put myself through it,

I love you and that much should be clear,

But I will not let this become the fear,

The fear that drowns me and drives me to just one more beer,

The fear that binds me, destroys me and darkens my soul,

The fear that kills me, breaks me and turns my heart black as coal,

I will stay strong, pure and true to my cause,

No matter how many times you point out my flaws,

So cold and alone I stand....

Wondering all the while if you'll ever reach out and take my hand....

In the Shadows We Roam

In the shadows I roam,

Always trying to find my way home,

Trying to find peace within,

My very soul wearing thin.

I will remain here,

I will not give in to the fear,

I will continue to be strong,

This trial will not continue long.

In the shadows you roam,

But I will be here if you want to come home,

You keep trying to find peace within,

But I see your very soul wearing thin.

I will remain here,

I will not let you give into the fear,

I will help you to be strong,

For this trial will not continue long.

In the shadows we roam,

Wondering how we got so far from home,

But we will find peace within,

Our souls will not always be worn so thin.

We will remain here,

We will not give into the fear,

We will be strong,

Because I promise this trial will not continue for long.

Last chance to Dance

Your eyes so blue,

The feeling coming from your heart now so true,

Our trust now will I sue,

So that we may both get to us what is due.

Our hearts in pursuit of one another,

But still hidden behind cover,

Wanting so badly for things to be clear,

Trapped in a constant state of longing and fear.

Determined not to make the same mistakes twice,

Because the lessons we learned cost us such a heavy price,

We can now give ourselves a second chance,

And maybe one day learn once again how to dance.

I am Darkness

I am darkness.

I have been swallowed by the abyss.

You told me you loved me but it was a lie.

I trusted in your words when I was called a fool.

I defended you when they called you cruel.

Now it continues to all crash around me.

I have become something I once despised.

The funny part is, you don’t even act surprised.

I have cried till there are no more tears.

I have come face to face with all my greatest fears.

I have stared God and the devil in the face.

I say to both of them, give me your worst.

For nothing could drag me farther into the darkness.

The darkness is my friend and comforter.

The place where I can almost forget her.

The place where it almost doesn’t hurt anymore.

The place that I was made for.

I embrace it and it embraces me.

I embrace it and become free.

Free of the chains and pains.

Free to watch the blood flow from my heart.

Free to reach in and rip everything apart.

Rip it apart until I become numb.

Numb to the scar, the pain, the betrayel of love.

Now you see, the darkness fits me like a glove.

My name........is Darkness....

Beautiful Song

Sleeping but not dreaming,dreaming but not asleep, silently screaming and gasping for air.

Living but not alive, dead but not gone, stumbling in the dark, not knowing why or how, trying to find a way out, drowning in red, brown, clear and green happiness.

Drifting hours and days, the sun has lost it’s shine, the moon it’s pull.

Fire raging within and without, refining this broken and raw clay, the dreams of the past haunting, the greatest nightmares now reality.

As the phoenix rises from the ashes of death, it becomes beautiful and strong. Life is a sad but sometimes beautiful song.

Once More

Be still thine heart,

For thy pain is too great,

Too great to be spoken,

Too great to be heard,

Too great to burden another.

You did once overflow with love,

Love so strong and beautiful,

Joy indescribable,

Overwhelming passion,

Dreams so full of hope.

Now love and joy reside here no more,

Chains of hurt and betrayal bind you,

Anger and darkness now your masters,

Sorrow and disappointment your companions,

Peace and happiness but fading memories.

Once more do you dare feel?

Once more do you dare try?

Once more do you dare dream?

Once more do you dare trust?

Once more you shall surely die...

I thought not

Black, dark skies roll in over the valley, rain begins to pour, lightning and thunder crashes all around. I find myself chained between two jagged rocks, with my hands and feet bleeding as the rusted chains dig farther into my skin, grinding to the bone. My heart placed on a stone altar before me, having been sacrificed and rejected, it now rots and becomes black and cold, undesirable to all who witness the horror it has become. Now as the water rises, just as I am beginning to drown, I struggle to breathe and barely getting the words out, I ask, will you be the one to save me?...I thought not..

dark and cloudy, stumbling in the rain, bleed some more and drown out all the pain, scarlet skies and ruby rivers,lightning crashes and sends me shivers, looking forward, holding back,can you see my armor crack?

Ashes to Ashes

As the rain drops fall on my face,

Your memory I still can't seem to erase,

You are the one who taught me how to love,

The one who taught me to rise above,

Above and beyond my own limitations,

Above and beyond my own accusations,

You taught me to have no fears,

To keep dreaming through the tears,

And as the tears stain my face and sting my eyes,

I can't help but think of the lies,

Your lies,

My lies,

The lies of the flies surrounding my rotting heart,

My heart that has been utterly torn apart,

But as i walk down this lonely road in the rain,

I will embrace and rise above the pain,

Just as the mighty phoenix rises from the ashes of his own death,

So shall I rise up and once more take life's breath.

Watch me...as I soar....

Broken Pieces

In this journey of mine through time,

I have committed a many a crime,

I have stolen and broken my share of hearts,

I have wasted and abused my God-given smarts,

I have hidden and buried my head in the sand,

With every confrontation, packed up and ran.


Now my hopes and dreams lay shattered and broken before me,

Waiting for the time when the scars are healed and my eyes are made to see,

Waiting for that one to free this phoenix from his fiery cage of a soul,

Waiting for her to come and squeeze the diamond out of my heart made of coal,

Waiting for the moment that the sun will rise and shine over this damp and dreary land,

So here I wait for the one who will steal my heart..and hold my hand..

Loralie

The possibilities of life are endless. The possibilities of joy or sorrow, success or failure, love or hate will be with you throughout your life. The choice is yours, for you are the author and your story has just begun. Hopefully there will be more joy than sorrow, more success than failure and more love than hate.

I would encourage you, though, not to dismay in times of sorrow, failure and hate. For you will never know true joy until you have felt the pain of true sorrow, nor will you truly enjoy success until you have felt the sting of failure and you will never feel true love until you've tasted the bitterness of hate. But don't hold those harsh times in your heart little one, learn your lesson from them and let their memory float away. Instead, remind yourself of pleasant memories and past victories, not forgetting to focus on the future and enjoy the present, they are truly gifts from Heaven. Enjoy childish things while childish things are appropriate, for they won't always be. As you grow older, explore the wonders the world has to offer but never forget your roots and always remember that God gave you to your family and your family to you for a reason. Family takes care of family.

Now I offer this simple prayer: may your joy always outweigh your sorrow, your success far exceed your failure and your love over shadow your hate. May your memories be as beautiful as your twinkling blue eyes, your present as sweet as your loving heart and your future as bright as your shining smile. May you grow wings that take you far and wide but always carry you home.

The Reason

So my friend says to me, "Hey, you should start a blog." I say "Why? No one but you would read it." She says, "True, but at least you could write out some frustrations, and I would have something to read." Thus me writing this blog now.

For those of you who don't know me, let me enlighten you. I don't really fit into any category, and there is no label that you can stick on me without applying a few dozen more. I am one of a kind; now whether that's a good thing or not I will leave up to you. I am a walking contradiction, I believe in peace but also believe that war is a necessary evil. Just to let you know, I can't spell worth shit, I never pull punches, I am NOT politically correct, oh and I curse like a sailor. The things I will be writing about are my OPINION!!! This means that you don't need to get your panties in a knot, it's just one guy's point of view. Now, all that being said, if you are offended in any way by my language, views, etc. please feel free to stop reading at anytime. Trust me, I don't care if you read my blog or not. Thanks, have a good one and happy reading ;)