Change

I spent the morning and most of the afternoon going over some of my old writings and I've come to two main conclusions. One, I can tell that over the years my writing has gotten better, which encourages me to write more. However, my best stuff is really depressing and even now I can't seem to write "happy" poems. Maybe this is because I find "happy" to be boring and "dark" to be more truthful, intriguing and challenging to the "norm". Maybe it's just because I can relate to the darker side of life more. Whatever it is, I'm pretty good at it - if I do say so myself - and will most likely write more. Secondly, I noticed how much I've really changed over the last four years. My thoughts, views and feelings about everything have completely changed. I believe that, for the most part they've changed for the better, but I can't help missing parts of that person I used to be. I was so innocent and unaware of the real tragedies of life, yet so ready to meet the unknown head on. So sure I was to become something great and/or do something great with my life. Not to say I can't or won't now but in those days it seemed as if it were right around the corner. Life was just begging me to mold it into whatever shape I wished. Whereas now I feel my ambitions are just as strong and noble, they just don't seem so easily attained. So at the end of the day I have learned more about myself and hopefully am the better for it. Will you see "happy" things from now on? Maybe. Will you continue to see "dark" things? Most likely. All I can say is that whether or not my writings are "happy", "dark" or somewhere in between, they will be honest and may give whoever decides to read this a little insight into my mind. Maybe even a little into your own mind.